Why Do We Find Change So Difficult?
Before we begin
Three weeks ago, I changed the pool where I do my morning walks. On paper, it should have been an easy decision.
The old pool had already contributed to one of the most serious health experiences I've ever had. After swimming there, I contracted cellulitis that developed into sepsis. The facility wasn't particularly clean; the staff were rarely welcoming and over time some of the familiar faces I'd chatted with simply stopped talking to me.
My new pool is further from home, the water is colder and it costs a little more. But it's clean, the staff are genuinely friendly, and I enjoy being there.
So why do I still catch myself looking for reasons to return to the old one?
The answer has very little to do with swimming pools.
It has everything to do with how our brains respond to change.
Why does change feel so hard?
Most of us like to think we make decisions based purely on logic. The reality is that our brains are constantly balancing something else: certainty.
From a psychological perspective, familiar situations require less mental effort. We know what to expect, we've developed routines and our brains don't have to work as hard to predict what comes next.
Even when the familiar isn't making us happy, it still feels safe because it's known.
Psychologists refer to this tendency as status quo bias. It's our natural preference for keeping things the way they are, even when a different option may be healthier, happier or more rewarding.
It's one of the reasons people stay in jobs they no longer enjoy, postponing making important decisions, continuing habits that no longer serve them or remain in situations long after they know something needs to change.
Our brains prefer certainty over possibility
The interesting thing about change is that our brains often focus more on what we might lose than what we could gain.
We ask ourselves questions like:
"What if I don't like it?"
"What if it doesn't work out?"
"What if I've made the wrong decision?"
Notice how rarely we ask:
"What if this turns out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made?"
Our minds are designed to scan for potential threats before they notice potential opportunities.
Thousands of years ago, that instinct helped keep us alive. Today, it can keep us stuck.
Growth often feels uncomfortable
One of the biggest misconceptions about change is that when we're making the right decision, it should feel comfortable.
More often, the opposite is true.
Starting a new job, beginning therapy, ending an unhealthy relationship, retiring, moving house or simply trying a different routine can all feel unsettling at first.
That discomfort doesn't necessarily mean the decision is wrong, sometimes it simply means you're doing something unfamiliar.
The feeling of uncertainty is often part of growth, not a sign that you should turn back.
Why We Sometimes Return to What's Familiar
As I've continued visiting my new pool, I've noticed something interesting. Every now and then, my mind starts searching for reasons why the old pool might have been better. It's closer to home. The water was warmer. It was part of my routine.
When I stop and think about it logically, I know the new pool is a much healthier choice.
Yet my brain still tries to pull me back towards what's familiar.
That's what status quo bias does.
It quietly reminds us that familiar feels comfortable, even when familiar isn’t serving us particularly well.
A Note from Me
Think about one area of your life where you've been resisting change.
Then ask yourself:
Am I avoiding this because it's genuinely the wrong decision?
Or am I avoiding it because it feels unfamiliar?
What might I gain if I gave this change a little more time?
If someone I cared about were in this situation, what would I encourage them to do?
Sometimes we don't need to feel completely confident before taking the next step. Sometimes we simply need to be willing to feel a little uncomfortable while we discover what's possible.
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