Grief

  • Are you unsure of how to move forward after a loss?

  • Are you finding it difficult to talk about your feelings?

  • Are you struggling to deal with your grief and think others are coping better than you?

 Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way

 
 

Grief is associated with feelings of sadness, regret, guilt and anger. It can be an extremely confusing time in your life. While some people quickly learn to cope with grief and resume their normal routines in time, others continue to grieve for years and struggle to find relief. Some people grieve openly, while others prefer to keep their emotions hidden. Whichever scenario applies to you, there is no right or wrong way to feel and deal with your loss.

One of the greatest challenges associated with grieving the loss of a loved one, is adjusting to the new reality of living in their absence. This usually involves developing a new routine, envisioning a new future, or re-discovering your sense of self.

Due to its personal nature, grief is often an unspoken and uncomfortable topic to discuss among family and friends. For this reason, counselling is highly advantageous because it means that you don’t have to go on the journey alone.

 
 

5 Stages of Grief

  1. Denial - A temporary defence mechanism, denial is often the earliest stage of grief and involves feelings that “this can’t possibly be happening to me.”

  2. Anger - This stage might involve seeking a source to blame or becoming angry with the world.

  3. Bargaining - During this stage, people might try to find ways to buy themselves more time, such as bargaining with God to attempt to become a better person in exchange for changing circumstances.

  4. Depression - As people begin to accept the loss, an overwhelming sense of depression, sadness, or hopelessness may kick in.

  5. Acceptance - At this stage, the loss is accepted and some peace is reached.

    Psychologist J. W. Worden created a stage-based model for coping with the death of a loved one. He called his model The Four Tasks of Mourning:

    • 1. To accept the reality of the loss

    • 2. To work through the pain of grief

    • 3. To adjust to life without the deceased

    • 4. To maintain a connection to the deceased while moving on with life

    The theory of maintaining a connection through ‘continuing bonds’ (Klass, Silverman and Nickelman, 1996) is one that I am passionate about. By ‘continuing bonds’, we move away from the concept of ‘letting go’ and ‘moving on’.

    Instead, we move towards a future without having to let go of everything that has occurred in the past and having to completely ‘let go’ of the person who died. The theory allows us to continue a relationship with them, despite their death, as our emotional bonds with loved ones stretch beyond the land of the living.

Lost a child?

Kerry is trained in a hypnosis modality known as rainbow babies. It is a nurturing way to support you through grief and guilt associated with miscarriage, still born or loss of a child. Kerry understands a great deal about loss and is ready to listen to you and your needs.